In the Wrong

Have spent the day recovering from last night as I crawled into my bed at 6:45am, my feet crippled and maimed from killer gold shoes. I slept until around 10 or 11 when Michael (my brother) came in and kissed me goodbye since he was off to Carnival with the wrest of my dads family, likely to get drunk and pull several little totties of his own age. Ew.

I then fell asleep again until about 3 when I called my mother to tel her I was now awake and hungry. Only to find out she had gone shopping in Asda. Bugger. Got up and fed myself then wondered aimlessly around the house doing nothing of interest.

4:45 Mother comes home with shopping and I have to help her with the bags climbing the steps to our flat. Double bugger. Once she was done with shopping she made me an early dinner then went to work leaving me in the house to sleep again.

Tony did not come last night. He had to work this morning on a float in Notting Hill Carnival (He's a dancer if I never mentioned before). But his brother Sean came with his Friend Andrew. We had fun and danced until I had to change my shoes because I felt like I was dying.I was obviously very disappointed about not seeing my Beloved but had fun in finding a reason to send him a text that wasn't related to sex.

Today Mother dearest wanted to know how the night went. I told her, She gave me that look that all mothers give their children when they suspect they maybe in Love. But she did not question me more. Then I told her that James was coming over tomorrow and we would be hanging out either here or maybe at Carnival though I do not really want to go. She gave me another look, but of suspicion this time. She had been nagging me to find something to do tomorrow because she was going to Carnival and she didn't want me to lounge around the house doing nothing. So I made plans with James, who likes me a lot.....

Now I feel bad about using him to distract myself from Tony. Because that is what I'm doing as I'm sure you know. I know I should feel bad because it is wrong but otherwise I would be completely depressed by my love and completely holed up inside myself. He is a great guy and I really like him. But he's not Tony.