Deep Breath

I am so alone.

I can't stop crying.

You have destroyed me.

Who I was, I don't even recognise myself any more.

Are you happy now?

Are you happy now?

Now that I am an empty husk, numb from the pain you have inflicted on me.

Are you happy now?

Twilight

I stare up at the sky, lying on my back looking out through my window.

I cant stop thinking about you.

You fill my head like wet sand.

I can't sleep.

I can't eat.

My eyes are bloodshot and sore from crying.

How could you do this and not apologise?

I could forgive you.

But you wont even admit to doing anything wrong.

My heart and body ache.

I have to force myself out of bed.

This hurts so much, the pain is more than I can bare...

How could you do this?

How can you sleep without thinking about what you have done to me?

How can you not say sorry?

Empty Space

Bright lights fill the sky, sparkling and shining in incandescence.

I watched with wide staring eyes as the lights moved past me in rhythmic sweeps and wild explosions, brilliant colours reflect on the water and on the rows of faces to the right and left of my own.

Strong arms wrap around me and I feel your firm chest press against my back, the warmth of your breath on the back of my neck.

Goosebumps spread up and down my arms, the hairs on the back of my neck raise...

Your grip tightens and you wrest your chin on my shoulder, I lean back into you revelling in the love, comfort, support and protection you symbolises.

A huge eruption of bright lights signal the finale of the New Years Fireworks.

We go home.

We walk through the front door, and there she is. Sitting on your bed.

She looks surprised, I look at you.

You look mortified.

"Who is she?" She asks standing up. She is older than me, taller too. With nicer skin.

"Who is she?" I snap jabbing a finger at her, you swallow and shut your eyes, I turn back to her and notice the shape of her body, the slightly too round stomach and the huge breasts.

Silence.

Bile fills my throat and my stomach gets tight, I step away from her.

I step away from you.

You reach out to grab me and I jerk away turning to walk out.

You reach again and grab my wrist yanking me back.

But I am not staying here with her.

"None of this would have happened if you had just had a baby with me when I asked! I begged you!" You yell, I stop then simply to stare at you, to see if you heard what you just said.

Silence.

I pull myself free of you and walk away.

Outside I realise my cheeks are soaked with tears. I touch my face in surprise and notice people looking at me strangely. I hide my face and hurry on.

You didn't chase after me.

You staid with her.. The pregnant one.

Haiti

Espere

With the radio on
I was awakened from sleep
Turned on the news
as words dominated the screen
“State of Emergency”, it said
“Many feared dead”, it read
An earthquake in Haiti rose me out of my bed
Several days later
Photos released from the scene
Four words came to my mind
Somebody….
Help….
Them….
Please.
now the talk of the town
Every newspaper in sight
Such a Cause for concern
Who will lead Haiti to the light?
An uncertain morning
Afternoons without guarantee
Nights in the darkness
And just a box of clothes from me?
I need to do more
I will help where I can
So many abandoned children
Displaced throughout the entire land
If we all pull together
and help all those in need
My little old box
can turn into millions received
A feeling compared to Katrina
Its a serious problem
Are they still looking for FEMA
or has it already found them?
……A few days later
More donations are on the way
A public Service
announcement
is sent through the waves
Preservation of life ?
Medical attention for some?
I cant imagine what they are going through
Is the aid enough?
News of people that have passed on
It must feel like the end
If everyone does their part
Perhaps this is a tear that we can mend.

by Sherry Tagoe

http://kixmag.wordpress.com/lifestyle/

Would It Make A Difference?

Would it make a difference if I was prettier?
would it make a difference if i was taller? thinner? with bigger breasts?
Would it make a difference if i was a virgin?
would it make a difference if i was a slut? if i did everything you wanted?
would it make a difference if i swallowed?
Would it make a difference if i was religious?
would it make a difference if i went to church? if i saved myself for marriage?
Would it make a difference if i hadn't slept with you on the first night? would you like me more? respect me more?

What do i have to do to make you fall in love with me? the way you made me fall in love with you?

Winter Mist

What did you say? That it is for the best? Is it really? The numbness and the emotion is for the best? I don't believe.
All that Sweet talk.... No I definitely don't believe you, all the hush hush calm me down and threats that fell from your lips I don't believe you, it's not my idea of love it's not my idea of life.
This can't be what you meant, should I replay your words to you? this is not right it is not the way it is supposed to be, supposed to look. You cloud and fog everything, you block my eyes I rub them. This can't be happening.
The Winter Mist is settling down it clouds and fogs everything, just like you. Just like you. Or me? I get confused my mind is fogged I can not think clearly. What am I doing here? the dust has only just settled why am I here?
What did you say? that you only meant well? that this isn't what we need? what you need? what I need? No. not what I need. All I need is the quiet and the calm. Hide and Seek. My favourite game. Will you take that from me as well? Hide and Seek the game of a million years, always better in the Winter Mist where everything is clouded.
Where am I? What have you done? I need to rub my eyes you can't have done that. Can't have said that. You love me, you live breath and feel me.
Your hands on my neck, face, breast.
You can't have said that you love me, live breath and feel me. Why would you say that?
The Winter Mist has found you too sweeping away my favourite game, hiding the oldest of things.
Have you found me yet? Hide and Seek. Should I count to ten before coming out? Hide and Seek.
1..... Have you found me yet? This is for the best i will count to ten for you.

2...... how about now can you see me yet? all your sweet talk, I don't believe you, how could you say those things to me?

3..... you still haven't found me yet? No. If you don't find me by five you will never find me. I am too well hidden for you to discover do not be threatened I will come out for you.

4...... Nothing? well you have one more chance I am not that far away, the dust is falling on me you have until 5

5. No you have not found me you will not find me. This can't be happening you can't have done that it is not you or me or us. it's not what i think of life or love or us you have until ten and i will come out

6 stop searching it is ridiculous now you will not find me the mist has hidden me well.

7Nothing at all will help you help me i am beyond your light beyond your hand. Hide and seek in the Winter mist

8 sit still and you will see me I am coming to you, you will see me soon

9 what did you say? that you only meant well? that its all for the best? that isn't what we need? huh? what did you say? can you see me now?

10 Can you see me now?

Submission, Lust and Guilt

I did it. I have been cheating. I t feels awful, but i can't stop. I feel like I need him, like I'm addicted to him..... I can't bare it,

sneaking around, lying, coming home smelling of him seeing the look on my mums face when she smells the old sent of unbelievably passionate.... consuming..... dirty...... cruel and overwhelmingly deep sex on my skin. I smell like him all the time now, he is engraved in my skin like a permanent fragrance. No matter how hard i scrub afterwards i can still smell him on me. I can still see the bite marks and the feel the bruises from his grip forming on my wrists thighs and neck. Hiding the bruises from James is the worst part, being unable to allow him to kiss me or hold me, feeling dirty and horrid all the time is making me miserable. But i can't stop, he's like heroine. He completely in my system this unshakable force gripping onto every inch of my skin, and pulling me down into my own filthy pit of lust and desire. Feeling him kiss my neck and squeeze my wrists as he holds me down on his bed. Always his bed. Always his place. He bites and tugs at every inch of me refusing to release this hold he has this power over me, I can deny him nothing. I am completely submissive to his desire and his lust while he takes everything from me, takes it all to slack his lust for that brief time, then sends me away only to be called back a few days later for more of the same dirty filth. More Submission. More Lust. More Guilt.